I almost deleted my blog.
Last night, actually.
I won't go into too much detail (because, snore), but long story short, I felt as if I was smacked in the face with a bag of fears that came out of nowhere. That seemed to have accumulated throughout the day and ganged up to make me feel defeated.
None of these fears or doubts were about the blog itself in regards to its' core purpose or design or what have you, but the thought of what you would think.
And if you've ever given way too much of your attention wondering what others might think of your choices, dreams, outfit, lifestyle, or story, you know it's freaking draining.
But then the best thing happened. Jason reminded me just how stupid that was (Lord bless him). He wasn't kidding, it is pretty dang stupid to be brought to the point of numbness from the mere thought of what others might think about you, your work and the life you're chasing after.
Does the opinions of others really matter? Should it alter your purpose?
I'll make it easy for us: Nope.
And to make it even better, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't think about me or this space as much as I'm projecting you would. Just like I'm sure when I'm trying to figure out what to wear to work most days my coworkers are not going to notice or care if I'm an outfit repeater and wear the same sweater twice in one week (and if they do, that's weird, and shame on them).
I'm glad to say I finally feel at peace with what I'm doing.
This life and your purpose isn't about trying to be like the Jones's who look pretty and polished. This is about becoming a healthier, better version of yourself then you were yesterday (shoot, I hope I'm a better version than I was an hour ago, because I got pretty snappy over weekend plans).
If you're feeling as if you're stuck in the game of comparison today and lost track of what your purpose is in a sea of faces, I've got some reminders to help snap you out of it:
1) Your story is meant to look different. And that's remarkable. I know, it's kind of like one of those anthem statements you hear at a motivational conference and forget the next day when you're so far deep in your Instagram scrolling of people who seem to be living their best life while you sit there trying to just get things started. Do me a favor and stop looking at them, and look at you. Look at what you've got in front of you, who you are, and who you are becoming. Because honey, their story is not your priority; yours is. Also, if you're following accounts on social media that leave you bitter and not excited about life or about their story, unfollow them. And when you're ready to celebrate with them again, just click follow (unless they're literally just posting squares for the wrong reasons, than leave them be. You don't need to feel obligated to follow everyone).
2) No dream worth working for is attained in a short period of time. Want to write a book? You better believe it's going to take more than one sit down at a coffee shop with your MacBook pro and three americanos. You want to run a marathon? You'll need to do a lot more than take a go at the elyptical once a week for two months at the same pace every time. You may have something good going right now, but I think God wants to get you somewhere even better. And it's going to take time. So be patient, take a deep breathe, give yourself some grace (in the form of coffee maybe?), and keep treading those waters. Both the mess and joy will be worth it.
3) It takes a village. I personally don't think this phrase is meant only for parents to be, but for you, me and everyone else. Even though I consider myself an introvert, I'm learning that I need a lot more friendships, coffee dates, church events, group nature walks and laughter in my life to remind me of the light and goodness that living beholds. Don't get me wrong, a night snuggled on the couch with a blanket, mint-chocolate chip ice-cream and a good book or F.R.I.E.N.D.S. can't fix (especially after a 40 hour work week can I get an amen?). But that alone does not refuel me. Maybe you have a village, call someone up and plan something this next weekend, don't be a hermit (at least not all the time, I support an occasional lounging day). It's hard to pursue what you love doing as it is, but having your team there to support you? Well, you're solid.
No matter what step you are in your personal or professional goals, you're going incredible places.
I almost deleted my blog - and I am sure damn glad I didn't.